I wasn't sure where to post this.

I have extreme depression and anxiety due to chronic stress over life issues.

Awhile ago I realized that my personality has totally deteriorated.

I experimented for a month or two just faking being cheerful. Certain people thought my mental state had "improved" and I had gotten stronger mentally etc. etc.

But I was just faking it. Recently I dropped the facade and went back to my usual depressed mode. One relative said I was bipolar and needed medication for that. I tried to explain I was faking being cheerful so as not to burden others. Because I am not bipolar I was offended by a relative trying to diagnose me.

Here is my question. Should I go back to faking it?

In truth I am pretty depressed, angry, and irritable. I don't have road rage or anything...but I do find it difficult to have long conversations. After about 4 minutes I get bored with what the other person is talking about.

I live alone and less and less see the need for so much talk. In fact I have decided to be completely silent for the next 28 days. This isn't that difficult since I am socially isolated. But I am going to avoid the usual banter with store clerks about the holidays.

My personality has shrunk down and could fit on the head of a pin.