I agree with TeaVicar

I am not trying to NOT feel the way I do about my T. My feelings aren't considered a problem or obstacle in our therapy - they just are. They are feelings. I cannot change or control them anyways.

The questions I ask myself now to judge whether the therapy relationship is healthy are these:

1. Is my world shrinking or expanding? (Am I losing other relationships for the sake of this relationship? Am I withdrawing from other relationships because of this one?)

2. Am I keeping secrets about this relationship? (Am I afraid to talk about things we say or do? If so, why? Is it because I know ethical boundaries are being crossed? Can determine this from that sense of "others won't understand...")

3. Are there any signs of gaslighting? (Saying one thing, doing another? Does the T tell me things I call him out on are 'just in my head?' Is he consistent in who he is?)

My relationship with C is a far cry from my relationship with S (Ex-T), who I was deeply enmeshed & codependent with. My feelings for C are strong, but I have gained in my other relationships because of my work with him - not lost. I don't keep secrets or feel any sort of "I know this crosses boundaries, but I like feeling special" feelings about C. And, he is super consistent in who he is. That doesn't mean we always connect, but he has never made me feel crazy - he definitely does not tell me things that I experience about our relationship are 'just in my head' like S used to do.

The relationship is benefiting me, expanding my world & my understanding in my other relationships. I see no problem with the strong feelings or transference I feel in this relationship.