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Old 12-05-2018, 12:48 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Coahulia y Tejas
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DazedandConfused254 A little bit distressed at the moment...
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Coahulia y Tejas
Posts: 300

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Default Impatience and Self-Hatred over Texts

I've been having problems lately controlling my patience and emotions over whether or not someone replies to my text messages/emails. All started a few months ago I was catching up with a friend over text. As she had recent success with relationships, while I have been struggling with interpersonal relationships in recent times, I reached out to ask her opinion over what positive qualities she saw in me, as I've done with my close friends and family to combat my self-esteem problems, because she has been one of the better friends I've met in recent times. No response. Another instance of this happening was when I wished a crush of mine happy birthday, I thought it would be a chance to ask her how things were going, as we had not talked in awhile. Again no response. After some of these occurrences I have had more frequent intrusive thought attacks, with my anxiety screaming things like: "You're insane!" "You are an intrusive burden!" "You're handling this all wrong!" "You should have known better than to continue those conversations!" As with talking to friends of the opposite gender: "You are a dangerous disgusting disgrace, and you have no business with women!"


I've realized this swirl of emotions over text messages has become a problem because I've become more self-conscious and over-analyzing of how I handle my relationships or interact with others. The very fact if someone replies to me or not can really make me grumpy, often for several days at a time. When someone actually does reply to my texts, and just happens to be slow doing so, I get angry with myself for letting my impatience distract myself. This happened when I was remotely working with a friend on a project that needed urgent attention and made him stressed because I kept texting him, as I assigned him a role to work with me on this up-and-coming project, and he responded after 20 minutes of waiting for him to get to a Wi-Fi hotspot.


Am I crazy like I think I am? How can I be more patient with waiting for text messages/emails and regain control of my emotions?
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Self dx'd: Anxiety and problematic self-esteem

Current treatments: Lexapro (10 mg/daily), melatonin (5 mg), weekly professional counseling, setting boundaries, and striving to love me for me

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