You are not garbage. You are worthy of love and belonging. It does sound like dependency. I'm wondering, why has he chosen to not be with you? Is he playing games? Is something going on with you? Or him?

Regardless, I hope you can find a way to soothe your pain. There are many many healthy ways to soothe pain, and many ways to strengthen oneself. Some examples are reading a good book or curling up and watching a good tv show, taking a warm bath, spending time with people who are kind, going for a walk, making art, writing, reading self help. What do you enjoy doing?

Are you in therapy? Best wishes to you.