thank you for your responses.
the only thing is that i wont find any other suitable man... i am not an attractive kind of woman. i like people who dont like me if you see what i mean. the only possibility for me is online dating... which you know what it is 90% of time. finding someone there is hard and it is still a random relationship with no love no nothing... so why bother. and i just dont want to spend my time getting upset about people on dating sites... i have better things to do. so I guess I just have to learn to be alone... and accept that I will be single forever. it is better to be alone than to be with a random guy who... also... who knows what he is doing behind your back. i am very cautious. i dont want other problems in my life.
learning to be single is hard... but one day I'll end up accepting it.