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Old 12-07-2018, 05:19 AM
lucymae1 lucymae1 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2016
Location: Washington
Posts: 37
lucymae1 lucymae1 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2016
Location: Washington
Posts: 37

3 yr Member
Default PTSD causing depression and anxiety

So my mom dissapeared about 35 years ago. She found my sister about 4 months ago on FaceBook and we had a wonderful reunion in California together. I've been talking to my mom about 2 to 3 times a week and it's been nice. Yesterday she was telling me some things I did not know about and it has put me in a depression. I know it was the past and long ago but it still saddens me.

I remember I was about maybe 5 or 6 years old and my dad bought a case of beer and I said "Pop" are you going to drink all of that? He said no with a chuckle and that twinkle in his eye. He then dropped me off at my best friends house to spend the night.

The next morning I was full of anxiety and ran as fast as I could all the way home. I knew something dreadful had happened. I opened the front door and my mom was sitting in the living room on an ottoman crying. My father had demolished the house. I remember her ponds cream on the wall and could hear my father puking in the bedroom saying I'm so sorry.

What I did not know and what she told me yesterday is that she was 7 months pregnant with my sister. My mom was at a neighbors house and came home and my father tore her maternity dress off and ripped it. She stood with just her underwear on and he preceded to go into a rage. She said she held her pregnant belly and told him please don't hurt the baby. You will kill the baby.

I knew my dad was a raging alcoholic. I witnessed many bruises on my mom many times. I started having flashbacks of those times which were mostly depressing times. I hated life. I hated school. I hated everything when I should have been having the time of my life.

I just had to get this out cuz it hurts so bad. I will ask my mom not to share these things with me anymore. Truthfully I can't take it. I already have high anxiety and mostly Bipolar depression.

Any kind words would be appreciated. I know I'm not alone in this.
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