I'm probably not looking for answers to this, as I'm sure nobody else has this problem. Just trying to understand it a bit more by writing it out.

I've already wrote about my problem with obsessions:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/anxi...ng-stupid.html

This is related to these obsessions, there's another part to them that I really don't understand. Like most people, I daydream/fantasise about having the things I want. This is normal and makes sense. These daydreams are positive and make me feel good. But I also have as many negative daydreams about them, and this is what doesn't make sense. They are the same in that I have the object that I'm obsessed with and want but they have one of these negative themes:

• The object gets broken, damaged or stolen and I am upset about it
• I abuse the object and dont care
• I abuse the object and it breaks and then I get upset

These leave me with negative emotions/feelings which I obviously don't want.

Sometimes I don't have the object in the daydream and I'm talking to someone. I tell them I hate the obsession object for whatever reason, and they agree with me. This also feels negative because I don't hate the object, I'm just pretending to (denying that I like want it I suppose?) These ones have just strted recently in the last 4 years or so.

I don't understand it because obviously I like and want the object, so why would I enjoy fantasising about abusing it, or that it broke by accident. And if I had the object I obviously wouldn't do those things to it.

This has been really bad recently, with this current obsession, because I can't have it. And same with the one before. And last night I had a really bad one, and I found it hard to stop. In this daydream I had the object, and it got damaged, and I got upset, which made me really upset. Then I went on to destroy the object but I managed to stop myself there and told myself "no". Then I went to bed. When I woke up this morning I couldn't helping having that daydream again but as it got to the "destroy" part I changed it to positive and fixed it and everything was OK. But still, the feelings before that were negative enough.

In the past some of these obsessions I've been able to buy, then those sort of daydreams stop. But theres yet another type of negative daydream that I have with obsessions objects I have and ones I can't have. I've been having a lot of these recently, with the current obsession. These involve making other (random) people think I abused the object (or going to) but I don't. These are the themes:

• I'm with some people and I'm going to do something that will harm the object but then don't
• I'm talking to people and telling them about object and make it sound like I'm doing something that harms the object
• I'm talking about it on a fictional online forum and write something that sounds like I harm the object

These don't cause so much negative feelings, actually most of the time they don't make me feel bad at all, but they don't make sense. Also what makes this worse is that I really do say those things about objects I do have (lying). For instance a few years ago I started a new obsession and daydreamed about the object but it was something small and easy to buy so I just bought it. On a forum I wrote about it and lied about how I did various bad things. I did get some reactions, but mostly people didn't care. After that obsession ended I felt stupid and didn't understand why I said those things when I didn't do them. I would never have done them to an obsession object. Sometimes I wonder is it the reaction of other people that I enjoy? But since it's mostly daydreams and fictional then I'm not getting that reaction. I have to make up the other peoples reactions myself.

It's really weird and I have no idea why I do it, and these fantasies/daydreams just happen without me choosing to do it. I do understand the positrive thoughts about them but not all these negative ones.

This current obsession, I do some really horrible things to it in my daydreams, but if I had one I'd never do any of those things, ever. But I probably would go on certain forums and talk about it and lie that I do abuse it, and enjoy it. I don't know why! But I can never have this object so I wont be able to do that anyway.

I feel so stupid about these thoughts, they make no sense at all.