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Old 12-08-2018, 02:00 PM
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Default Re: How do you date or even make friends when you have a mental illness?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ken9018 View Post
You could say I've been kind of slow at getting around to most things people have done by age 21. Dating/relationships is one of those... I've never been in a relationship and only been on a couple dates a long time ago. Long story short maybe I'm getting lonely and want to make a few friends and possibly date someone.

But how do you do that when your shy, scared to try new things, have constant anxiety and not a drinker/partier/bar scene person?

How do you date when suffer from mental illness? Tell the person upfront and hope for the best? Or lay out your issues far down the line if the relationship because official?

Tell me how do you date, make friends, etc when you have a mental illness?
I think it depends on the mental illness.

The first thing I recommend to you and to everyone else I see who writes/says some variation of "..most things people have done by age 21" --

stop comparing yourself to what you think other people are doing/have/have done.

People lie, exaggerate, and embellish the truth about all sorts of things--but particularly about dating/romantic/sexual experiences.

The only person you need to be concerned with is you and what you want: you'd like to make some friends and find a nice person to date.


That contains some good info.

Then consider: Find Support | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

If neither of these are helpful, you might look in your own town to see if there are groups where like-minded people meet (a lot of times through the local mental health clinic).

Then there are interest groups: book clubs, bowling teams, volunteering, going to the dog park..in other words, putting yourself out there to meet people who share at least one of your interests.

What I don't recommend is thinking, well if I had a romantic partner everything else in my life would fall into place. I think the opposite is true--when my life is stable overall, that is when I will attract, and be ready for, a romantic partner.

And to go back to what I said in the beginning--it depends on the mental illness. I have depression. I feel zero need to tell everyone that. I have some anxiety; same thing. But if I had an illness that could get quite dramatic: including psychosis, for example; I would think it only fair to tell a romantic partner fairly early on. Not the first date, not the third date, but probably by the 4th date--but I'd want to have reassuring info too: "...but my last episode of psychosis was 3 years ago, and the medication I am on now is working very well...[whatever is true in your case]" --- I hope that gives you some helpful pointers.

Courage!
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