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Anonymous445852
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Default Dec 09, 2018 at 09:16 AM
 
I find myself more and more angry. I feel like I was used

I want to update about this. The wallet was found, but by the time I got it I had new i.d., not a big deal I suppose.

I did apologize to the bf then that he wasn't at fault.

I had "made up my mind" that he was making me more depressed.

I am stuck financially at my home for reasons I just don't want to put in this thread.

He did not forgive me for my mistake about saying I thought he might haven taken the wallet. The more I think of the relationship we had, the more I see how much he said "you are bossy, you are controlling", yet the more ways I see that he was controlling me, even my emotions. By saying "I love you", then withdrawing affection as he felt like it, making everything wrong about me, telling me "you can't change, so this can't work", and almost never looking at his own behavior, this all angers me so much.

What do I do with my time? I had wanted to volunteer but that meant a long drive because all volunteering options are in a city too far from me, and I live in a small town. THere aren't volunteer opportunities that wouldn't affect myself financially.

I have music, that I play. I'm getting tired of it. The depression is getting real. I feel somewhat like the crumbs he gave me were better than nothing. But he cut me down. He rarely made me feel good. I remember he started to compliment me in the beggining of our relationship, and then saying "but I don't want you thinking your'e too hot".... huh. I'm hardly that at all imo. I liked being told he loved me, the affection part of our relationship. Love isn't all physical. Love seems too complicated for a woman like me. I still feel lost. I don't know other than cleaning and offering to do what I'd do before for a living, more often. Just tired of giving and not getting love in return.

He'd often say "I'm all yours".... but he didn't make me feel like a priority in his life. I guess I just need to learn how to be alone with my feelings but its hard. At my home the living arrangements are putting me into financial trouble, not my irresponsibility. I wish I could put everything out here, but it's too personal.
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