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Old 12-09-2018, 12:05 PM
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Default Re: Integration

continuing with dissociation and integration processes....

so what now....

we know how the mental and physical dissociation processes are connected and working together to place a person in a dissociated state of mind physically and mentally.

this whole process is called "switching" from being fully conscious state of mind to that of the unconscious state of mind,

when the body is automatically physically and emotionally functioning from the unconscious state of mind this is called Alternate Personalities, just like when a person who is fully aware is functioning on their memories, emotions, feelings, thoughts behaviors.... in their conscious state of mind. why its called Alternate personalities no one can tell me other than thats the way its been since the early 1950's.

my own personal belief is that the word "alternate" means..... a substitution/ change from the normal, a replacement, not the first in command... if you google the term alternate you will find the definition of alternate has many words to describe the word.

none of my insiders called them selves "alternate personalities" when I switched from conscious state of mind to that of the dissociated state of mind I as an alter, functioned just like any other person and didnt think of my self as a substitute, second in command, replacement or any other term used to define the word alternate. I didnt even know the words alternate personality until I was in treatment as an adult so my unconscious memories, emotions, events, behaviors .... everything that makes up a persons personality did not contain the term/ phrase/ description "alternate personality" for me. its not like I could as a child of 4,5 and what ever ages go on the internet and research and discover while functioning as an alter thats called an alternate personality. This word just was not part of my unconscious / dissociated vocabulary and such.

so what now. here I am in college, discovering I had DID, what the physical and mental dissociation/ integration process is, what a personality is, how alternate personalities are created, and that through out my whole life time my mental and physical dissociation process was "switching" me from a conscious / fully aware state of mind to an unconscious/ dissociated state of mind, what happens in this integration process next?

developing a treatment plan and years of therapy and working with my treatment providers to work on....

my daily living skills and stabilizing any self injury / suicidal issues.
Taking care of medical problems.
learning to identify my triggers, feelings, emotions,
learning how my triggers were related to my dissociation symptoms...
learning coping tools to handle those triggers.
learning what to do when I was feeling my dissociation symptoms.

my treatment on how my body was going through the dissociation/ integration process did ......... not........... include things like getting along with the alters, trying to make the alters all work together, communicating with them, placing names on my alters if they didnt have one of their own, cuddling/coddling/ encouraging behaviors I didnt do when not in dissociated state of mind

example... i didnt purposely set out to talk with rainy, try and convince rainy to do things I wanted her to do,or even encourage her to continue hiding under blankets with her stuffed animal when triggered.

because I now knew what the physical process of dissociation was and how my alters were created my treatment provider and I went about this a different way then most people do.

when a person is fully aware, not dissociated how do they do all this, do they as a 20 some odd year old adult continue their 5 year old behaviors, of course not, its not acceptable for adults to be at work, shopping and what have you talking walking, behaving like a 5 year old child. In the world we live in adults are expected to behave, talk and walk and so on like adults.

In todays world if an adult cant function on an adult level they are given life skills classes, aids, residential programs that can help them mentally and physically mature to an adult level of functioning.

So thats how we worked my dissociation/ integration process... I worked to gain better coping tools and life skills that would enable me to ........not........ have to "switch" into the dissociated / unconscious state of mind to do those things that were my alters.

example Rainy was my alter that handled depression, sadness, fear of thunder/ rain storms.

by my gaining the skills of grounding, breathing, relaxation, and adult self soothing instead of hiding under a blanket in the closet, I was no longer triggered by thunder storms to dissociate.

by adult self soothing I dont mean x rated stuff. I mean purposely finding a place to sit down, take some deep breaths, then ask myself what did I need to do to feel less upset right now... just like any other normal person who gets caught in a rain storm thinks "gosh its raining I need to open my umbrella, there im cold wonder where the closest coffee shop is, I could really use a hot chocolate or hot coffee right now...."

mind you Im not saying Rainy had to to stop what she was doing when I dissociated into her. I had no control over rainy and did not try and control who and what she was....

I am saying while ..........not ............. dissociated I am recognizing when i am starting to feel my dissociation symptoms, what is triggering it and acting appropriately like an adult doing what an adult would do, not enforcing / encouraging dissociating and going home to hide under a blanket like rainy.

As I continued to do this integration process of learning how to take care of myself, my triggers and be a fully consciously aware adult instead of the mental and physical state of mind called dissociation and that of "switching" to the alternate personality state of mind, the stronger mentally and physically I became.

eventually just like a person who as normal memories they have forgotten and one day when their brain is physically and mentally capable that memory surfaces from the unconscious memories to be conscious memories everything that was my alternate personalities became part of my conscious personality.

example... when i was no longer being triggered into my dissociation symptoms due to a thunder storm, my thalamus was no longer redirecting information to the unconscious/ dissociated storage. my brain no longer had to "switch" to mentally and physically being dissociated.,

when I had enough skills and such to handle what was stored unconsciously as alternate personalities became conscious again....

to understand this think about your favorite food. can you remember how that tasted, looked, felt, sounded when eating it... thats conscious memory.

now think about a time when you were doing something and suddenly remembered a persons name or that tv show you saw as a child or something that happened in school that you had previously forgotten about.... thats the unconscious memories becoming conscious again. no pain just an aha moment wow i had forgotten about that....moment.

when everything that is/ was the alters becomes mixed together with a persons conscious/ fully aware state of mind personality this is what I and my treatment providers called merged together to become one whole personality again. the reason being is because everything that was the alternate personality is no longer separated through the mental and physical dissociation process.

example I know that rainy is part of my regular, not alternate personality because I can now remember the rain and thunder storm traumatic event that resulted in her creation, I can now feel the emotions that was rainy, I can now cry, make a PB&j sandwich, I can now if I choose to watch a childrens show that I now know was part of Rainys memories..... everything she was is now part of my own memories, emotions, everything that makes up my own conscious / fully aware personality.
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