I made the mistake of getting coffee because of a long shift at work. I had a large Snapple apple too. Big mistake on both parts. Both the apple juice thing and coffee caused my anxiety to reach heights I haven’t seen in years. I couldn’t do anything about it at work except take silent deep breaths. The second I punched out though I severely dissociated. I took a Xanax, but I felt all confused and like I wasn’t in my body. I had to make sure I was wearing the correct coat and not anyone else’s. stuff like that. I went out to eat. I felt like I was going to die. Like I had an infection or something. I realized I was probably having an anxiety attack. So I thought since I hadn’t eaten much since last night that prime rib and fries were what I needed. But I am the opposite of a stress eater. So the bread that came before the food, just caused me to feel like I was either going to throw up, or lose control. I went to the bathroom, and hung out for a couple minutes. When I got back, the prime rib was there but I asked the waitress to pack everything up and we left.

Now half an hour later I am on the futon. I have just taken a second Xanax and I am doing my deep breathing and I’m trying to stay calm. I kinda feel better.

Coffeee is defiantly out now. And it was just a small iced one from dunkin too.