Are you relieved/grateful that I don't look at you?
I feel dirty and guilty and bad for wanting to look at you
Like it's invasive and dirty to want that emotional intimacy. I'm bad and you shouldn't have to look at me or have me look at you.
That you shouldn't have to see me
That I'm taking something I shouldn't have
You shouldn't have to be part of something so shameful
You should be disgusted by the idea