T,
You pushed me too hard today. You could see, even commented on, that I was very uncomfortable. Yet you still kept going...why? Why did anything that happened today in session happen the way it did? I came in really down and I left feeling even worse. I needed you today, and you failed me. And I’ll never tell you this, but I feel like you’ve been failing me a lot, lately. I don’t know if we’re the right fit. Or maybe it’s just because I’m trying so hard to push you away. Maybe this is my fault. The point is, I don’t have a connection with you. I really do think that’s on me, though, because of how badly it hurt when S left for her new job, and now my subconscious will just not let me feel connected to you. And I know that we had to end session because we were out of time, but that led to a lot of feelings of abandonment for me, and I self-harmed as soon as I got to my car. I won’t tell you that, because I know you won’t pay attention to it, so as not to feed the behavior. But, my self-harm right now is honestly a cry for help. You always answer my emails, and today you didn’t. I don’t think that you realize how much that hurts me. I need something more from you, and I don’t know what that something is exactly, but I need you to help me figure that out. I just need you to HELP ME. PLEASE.