I was on meds for many, many years. They didn't help much so this past year the psychiatrist who assessed me when I was admitted to hospital took me off ALL my meds. I have not been on meds since April and I think I honestly feel better being off them than on them. I think I'm actually more stable for the most part.

I have definitely had a few crashes, but it forced me to work through them. In the past if I crashed I would up my meds, or change them, or find a way to blame them for not working so I didn't put a lot of effort in to maintaining myself. Now I don't have any meds to turn to. It's just me. It's hard at times, and I have to work really hard, and really trust my therapist, but I'm doing it.

I'm not advocating for one minute going off your meds, though. If your doctor has you on them, STAY ON THEM unless you are advised differently. Meds or no meds is really a conversation with your doc, but what I'm saying is we don't get by just fine without them. Rather we develop new coping mechanisms and use the tools we learn in therapy to help us get through each day.

I had final exams at school yesterday and I took some Ativan before going in to write. I was a total mess. They helped in the moment but I now know I need to work on test anxiety.