T apologised for not talking to me about the Christmas break before (because I had emailed asking) I said it's okay I wasn't worried because he basically does the same thing every year. T said what I had said in the email about how many years we have worked together prompted him to look at his notes from our very first session. (I am really touched by the fact he did that).
He said he had written in the notes "It's as if Echos is searching to be held in the way she never was as an infant". He said he doesn't know how he got that from the first session but it's interesting considering we didn't name that for about 18 months (possibly more actually).
I said "I swear sometimes I think you really are a wizard.". I certainly never said anything like that in the first session but it has turned out to be such a big part of what was going on for me at an unconscious level I am amazed he spotted that in the first session. I also think I might ask to see the notes from that session in full because I don't remember it at all, and all I wrote on PC was "He was nice, and attentive".

I gave T the tree I made for him using pyrography. He really liked it and he hung it on a statue in his room.

I told him someone I had googled relating to a past trauma and I talked about feeling nothing about it. He asked if I knew why I felt nothing about it. I said because it's just one of many things that happened to me in that period of my life, but because this particular one was illegal it somehow has more validity than the others. Maybe the whole period was traumatic for me.

We talked about how looking the person up and even considering reporting them showed that I am ready to show my younger self compassion now, and to advocate for myself. I talked about how my teenage part only really feels self worth when I am with my T and can feel my T believes I have worth, and that's part of why I miss him so much between sessions, because he holds my worth. But how maybe now I am developing that for myself just a tiny bit.

He pointed out that I didn't have as much control as I thought I had at the time, and a lot of the time I didn't have choice. I said yes and that knowledge will hopefully help me to develop self-compassion.

We were coming to the end of session. We stood up and hugged and he said "well done". I said "You make it safe".