It's definitely the reactions. I watched a video of someone destroying something (something I've never had an obsession with). The actual video didn't do much for me (probably because it wasn't my obsession) but I enjoyed reading the angry comments.

I really don't understand it. I wish I could stop thinking like this because it makes no sense to me.

In fact sometimes I wonder if these obsessions are just themes for this underlying "thing" to play out. The actual objects of the obsessions seem to be meaningless. They change from one thing to another when I get bored of them, and there's always these intense daydreams and feeling around them, no matter what the object is.

In the past, some of the objects I could buy, now I wouldn't really abuse them myself, but I'd go on forums and talk about them and suggest that I did something. If it provoked a reaction I would enjoy it, but mostly nobody really cared.

This current obsession is something I can't have so I don't have that choice, so I have to daydream about it instead. The fantasies I enjoy best are when I'm harming it and getting other peoples' reactions. Though of course their reactions are made up anyway, so what is there to enjoy?

What exactly are these good feelings I have about it. I can't really figure it out, apart from "enjoyment". There is nothing sexual about it so it's not some sort of fetish. It's just very pleasing and makes me feel better somehow.

I'm thinking if I could get to the bottom of this and dig up whatever is causing it, I could get rid of it maybe. And then maybe the obsessions would stop altogether?