I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You mentioned sitting in the middle of the vortex. As you may already know (if by chance you've happened on some of my previous replies to various threads) my own technique for handling intrusive thoughts & disturbing emotions is the practice that is referred to as "compassionate abiding". I think it is perhaps similar... simply allowing oneself to dwell in the eye of the storm, feel it's power, breathe into it & perhaps even smile to it with as much compassion & lovingkindness as one can muster. I am glad that running helps you to feel good. I myself don't run. But I do walking meditation. And that is helpful for me. Hope you begin to feel better soon.