Saw T today, and it felt like a very weird session to me. I was physically there and I talked, but felt like I blinked and it was over. I wanted to talk about the SI thoughts I've been having and the SH. Instead I got sodetracked by talking about DH and my father and how I feel like I'm failing my kids. I did manage to tell him about He just said that it seems like I just want to escape from everything and said we'd have to stop there. I didn't realize that there wasn't any time left, so when I left I cried in the car. I hate this feeling so much.