I posted this same thing on reddit, so my apologies to those of you like me who frequent both sites.

I recently relapsed in my eating disorder, and I was truthful with T last time I saw her and informed her. What I didn't tell her is that I don't really want to get "better." I have no desire to attempt recovery at this time (yes, i know that is what is best for me, please don't lecture me). But I want to keep going to therapy because T makes me feel safe and I feel better after sessions.

But am I wasting her time by going if I don't want to get better? I want to be able to talk about this without her urging recovery, but in the past she has made it clear she isn't going to sit around while I "destroy my body" (her words). Am I stupid to keep going?