I don't see the interpretations of her statement the same as you. If you dole out information like it's rationed and a person gets the wrong impression, she will correct it like your T did. "Less intrusive" just means he made a somewhat smaller, inappropriate, possibly sexualized gesture by touching you without your permission compared to what she thought before. It's still the same thing and "intrusive" (wrong) is the key, it doesn't matter where on the scale you place it, it's a violation. There is nothing in her words that suggests you exaggerated it, only that she didn't understand at first.

In my field we call trying to place things on a harm continuum in s e x abuse "d*cksizing." Who can say whether this act or that act is somehow worse? The moment I read "intrusive" I felt a flash back to my own CSA, different in acts than yours but the *feeling* of being intruded upon is terrible.

Violation is violation. In the research literature on rape, those who survived an attempt are more psychologically harmed than those who are victims of a completed rape. Maybe at least in part based on what you are experiencing.

To deny that something is painful is a great short term strategy in coping, it gives you some distance and maybe the ability to see the thing more clearly than before. But in the long run it will come back and kick you in the teeth until you acknowledge it, or so has been my experience.