Thread: I don't know
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RaineD
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: United States
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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 01:44 PM
 
Has your EMDR T ever lost anyone? I know she hasn't lost her parents, but has she lost anyone else important? I find that people who have never lost a significant person to death simply are incapable of understanding grief.

For me, the majority of my friends have never lost anyone significant, and some of them have tried to relate to my grief by comparing it to their grief over breakups. I find that they do not really understand. I know people can grieve the end of a relationship or the loss of a job, but that kind of grief is simply not the same as grief over the death of a loved one.

Until I lost my T, I have never lost anyone significant either. And, looking back, I can see that I did not understand grief at all. I've experienced lots of breakups, and I've even been fired from a job. But none of those experiences were even remotely comparable to losing my T. They're not just quantitatively different. They're qualitatively different.

When you break up with someone or someone breaks up with you, something was already wrong with the relationship. And you knew on some level. You may have been in denial, but deep down inside, you knew. That kind of loss could be extremely painful, but it is qualitatively SO DIFFERENT from losing someone you love to death. Death is involuntary. It is thrust upon you and your loved one. Death is also final, with no possibility of reconciliation.

I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but, to me, these different types of grief are completely different. You can't extrapolate what grief over death feels like by drawing on your experiences with grief over breakups.

So, I guess my point is, if your EMDR T has never lost anyone significant, then she probably really just doesn't understand grief. I don't think it's something you can learn from books or training. It's something that can only be learned through personal experience.
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Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight