Hello samecycle: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you've done quite a bit of on-line research regarding your concerns. I doubt there would be much of anything I could add. I suspect, however, that there will be other members who will have thoughts they can share.

My wife & I have been married for 39 years. So one might think I would know something about what it takes to maintain a long-term romantic relationship. Unfortunately I don't know as I do. I don't think that 40 years ago we really thought relationships through the way people seem to do today. You simply met someone & the relationship either developed or it didn't. Perhaps, however, giving some consideration to what goes into creating a successful long-term romantic relationship can be of some help. So, with that thought in mind, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on that subject. The first 4 are by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

5 Secrets to a Successful Long-Term Relationship or Marriage

6 Absolute Must-Haves for Relationship Compatibility

How Do You Know that You're with the Right Person?

Forgiveness & One of the Most Important, Overlooked Things for a Relationship

Relationship Experts On True Love & Making Love Last

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-10-...happy-couples/

And then here are links to 2 articles that discuss finding the right person plus a third that consists of links to a variety of quizzes & tests on the subject of sexuality & relationships:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/surpri...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/true-l...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/sex...ionship-tests/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.