I hate to say this but it sounds like you are much better off without him. The more things you do on your own the more independent you will grow.

I was 54 when I finally left my H. I had never lived alone & I bought my farm 2100 miles away from him in a town & state where I knew no one. After 11 years I had contact again for a court hearing against him. We actually had a civil closure. It was interesting because one of his comments was that he thought within 2 years I would come back & I never did. I lived my totally independent life alone with my farm & my dogs & real friends for the first time in my life.

There is a good life one can have after a bad relationship.