I like the "blip on the horizon" theory. If people were consulted (and likely only the headteacher actually was) schools are full of potential "scandals" which quickly pass under the bridge. Only repeated hot calls stay on people's horizon, and it's Xmas when teachers are working their butts off to educate, amuse, counter the Xmas illnesses, placate their own children at home.

I do identify with your anxiety about being seen as a non-standard parent/ person. It goes with the territory of mental illness, disability, different cultures and so on. What you have been through would make me twitchy for myself, let alone for a beloved child. But I think we have to deal with our anxieties as the internal challenge that they are, rather than allowing them to complicate the tricky balance of official and non-official external relationships.

The world of social relationships is so complex that we all have our part to play in helping it along in my opinion. Part of that is not projecting too strongly our worries and obsessions. If someone is mean to you challenge them, but otherwise kick back and let your inner self unload in some safe place afterwards. Doing that is the best contribution in this "seeking peace" time of year, in my opinion.

Hope that your daughter's dance performance goes well and brings much joy!!!