I'm so sorry you're struggling, KnitChick Please don't give up. You have so much more to give to the world. You have something to live for. You never know how things turn out... they can get better. They will get better eventually, if you don't give up. I know it seems hard to believe right now, but trust me. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to struggle with life sometimes, and it's also ok to vent when that happens. If it can help a bit... we're here for you. Feel free to share and vent here. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this