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Old 12-15-2018, 04:44 PM
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Betty_Banana Betty_Banana is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 547

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Default Re: Integration

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not only was I now able to fully experience and appreciate the good but the down side too. one day I was hanging curtains and pictures when I accidentally hit my finger with the hammer. now I had been feeling pain and such for a while now but nothing to this extreme. it totally shocked me right to my core that the feeling of pain could be so intense and scary
I could really relate to this.

It took awhile for me to adjust to feeling so intensely.Everything felt so overwhelmingly intense.If I was happy,I felt euphoric,if I was sad I felt so deeply sad that I couldn't handle it,etc.There were times I scheduled emergency therapy sessions just to get help in dealing with it. It was way different being able to completely feel,to completely experience something and stay with it without dissociating.Even the love I had for others felt so intense it would make me cry.

It took time but I gradually did adjust.I do still have times though where I experience something for the first time since integration and feel overwhelmed still.But it' s not scary anymore really,just different.

ETA:yes,some things ARE scary(even though I said it's not scary,just different)and hard to deal with and at times I get upset about it and even complain.But as my therapist had told me once,the bad thing about dissociating was I was missing out on the good things in life too,not just the bad.So I think feeling everything,good and bad is much better than before integration.

Last edited by Betty_Banana; 12-15-2018 at 04:50 PM. Reason: Added something
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