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Old 12-16-2018, 02:35 PM
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mulan mulan is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
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mulan mulan is offline
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mulan May it all be ok someday
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: Europe
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Default Small steps

Being independent is very hard. I trust other people judgement better than I do mind, I have lots of difficulties to take action. I think once and twice and more but there always seems to be a reason not to do it.
Going shopping is particularly hard. Shopping with my sister (or someone actualy) is harder. I act to meet her expectations and I ask her for premission... It's so stupid, but I feel like I need to ask permission for every small thing, with her and with almost everybody. I could just place something in the shopping cart (I was paying and she doesn't ask me permission), but for instants I think she might disagree and that will be a problem and she will yell at me. My inner voice that tells me not to do stuff is bigg, but is even bigger when taking in consideration what others might think.

Today I went to the shopping with my sister, didn't buy much, nor bought everything I wanted. But choose a cheese and some stuff I knew she doesn't usualy buy and wouldn't totaly apreciate for her and place it in the cart, without asking, just informing. Also bought some blue earphones, I was thinking about neutral colours, like I couldn't buy anything that is flashy, than I though, why not. They are very innocent looking earphones, but it gave me some power.

Very small steps for a girl with many limitations.
Also bought my sister a present online. I wont care if she doesn't like, if my parents don't approve, if I wasted money on a stupid present. I wanted to buy her something I did. I buy her some stuff she sayed she finds cute, whatever, I won't care if she things I was very predictable in the presents.
I wanted to buy something for my brother, but I didn't because she was right next to me saying it was stupid and he didn't deserve. But recognizing it and being aware of it is a step.
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