Hello,

My husband and I have been married for 2 years together over 10 years. Over the years I have developed more anxiety around relationships, friendships ending for various reasons and just generally more anxious. I have had a few panic attacks where I have broken down yelling and crying. Maybe 2/3 times max when my husband does something that drives me crazy or we argue about something i have pushed him away when he keeps pestering me and arguing after i say lets talk later i have shoved him away when having a panic attack that is the only time..crying, yelling and anxious mess.


Once I also scratched him when i shoved him not hard shove but i accidentally scratched him and he insists there is still a small mark. It never had intended to hurt him i was just so upset and anxious. He understands i get really low sometimes and feel so emotional about things and I go over things in my head. He knows. Anyways so we were watching I Tonya which is about the cycle of abuse she went through from her ex husband. I told him halfway through I thought we agreed to watch something light tonight then he said I am like her or the man, I can be abusive. I literally started crying immediately telling him its not even comparable and i have never pushed hard to harm, i shoved when i was having a panic attack cause he wouldnt stop talking.


Now I am so sad and I cant even bring myself to sleep with him the last 3 nights I was on the couch as I feel like a horrible wife even though i know i am not. Now he says oh no you are not abusive, i know its just your anxiety now, thank u for explaining. I want to see a psychologist I used to see however its just too expensive right now for me. Do you feel I am really abusive or its panic? I felt like in the movie and in real life hes not having a panic attack shoving her its so different and I'm really hurt my husband said that. At first my dad said oh no a shove when your upset and anxious is not..then he said well pushing of any form is abuse.


If you read this all thank you - if you don't have time essentially I'm wondering - Is shoving and accidentally scratching my husband during a panic attack abuse? Not shoving away not into a wall or anything shoving away from talking to me when I'm breaking down and had a dumb argument at the time.