Hello paloma: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So...welcome to PsychCentral.
Actually I have a similar sort of situation going on. I'm an older person myself. I've had anxiety-related problems all my life which seem to be worsening the older I get. I have never shoved my spouse. But when I go into a serious anxiety attack I just desperately want / need to be left alone. My spouse, however, seems to be unable to do so (although I do think she's learning) & having her repeatedly try to intervene in my anxiety attacks just makes matters worse. I sometimes worry that some of my own behavior, during those episodes, may border of being abusive.
I would have to say that, to me, what you described does not rise to the level of abuse. Other members may have different opinions of course. But I think the term "abuse" should be reserved for more serious & /or sustained levels of verbal, emotional & / or physical aggression. I think there is a danger, in labelling every little altercation as being abusive, that the idea of abuse will become cheapened to the point where it ceases to have the significance it should, in fact, have... if that makes sense.
Now... having written that... I don't mean to suggest shoving your husband isn't problematic. It is a sign that all is not well perhaps in part with yourself & perhaps in part with your relationship with your husband. You mentioned wanting to see a psychologist you used to see. However it is too expensive right now. Perhaps you might want to look into some lower cost options if there are such things available to you where you live. Perhaps there might be some income-adjusted therapy services that are offered in your area? Checking into some couples counseling options may also be worth doing. In the meantime, however, here are links to 8 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that offer tips for managing anxiety as well as panic attacks:
Living with an Anxiety Disorder
9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now
15 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Anxiety Symptoms
Top 10 Lesser-Known Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety
Living with Panic Attacks
https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-to...-attack/?all=1
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...panic-attacks/
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/culti...panic-attacks/
And then here's a link to an article for your husband as well:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/living...nxious-spouse/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
