First, we talked about mindful sitting. I've started doing that, according to the description in some book I've been reading. He asked me what exactly I was doing and commented on how it's normal to have negative thoughts coming up, to just accept them and let them go.

Then I mentioned not quite knowing what I wanted to talk about. Sometimes I have trouble telling what's important. He said he'd feel it's important to talk about how I sometimes act in the second half of sessions. Crying a lot and just the general behavior and way I talk. He said he often feels helpless in those situations, or angry since he thinks 'why do I feel helpless'. That he had the feeling I'm trying to just 'do my thing'. I didn't understand, so he explained that it seems like I try to experience and show everything I'm feeling, as though there was no other way. He said he'd think that's something important to talk about.

I told him I think it's important too, but I don't really understand it myself, so it's kind of hard to talk about. Sometimes I don't feel anything in those situations or my emotions are chaotic. I told him I'd have to think about it for myself.

He said otherwise there's always relationships that we could talk about, those are important. I told him about a guy that visited for a while some time back. That guy now seems to have a crush on me, which makes me uncomfortable. We discussed for how long I've known the guy, what we know about each other and all that. T asked whether my partner seems to not mind when he hears about that guy hitting on me. I told him that we have an open relationship, he didn't know what that was and I had to explain.

At some point there was some silence and I got sad, so I told him. He asked what happened. I said I was thinking about whether I like men or women, then I got sad and told him. He wanted to know whether I can feel the sadness, which was kind of hard because it switches so much, but at some points I managed to feel it. i said right now it works, sometimes it hurts too much to feel it. He asked what hurts so much in those situations and I said it's the fact that I can't talk properly. He said 'but do we always need to talk about everything?' and I told him I feel lonely otherwise. I started crying. He told me it's okay to feel sad and to feel lonely. To accept those feelings and feel them. Then he got quiet and let me cry.

After a while he asked whether he's right that I seem rather relaxed currently. I nodded and he said if I wanted to, I could look at him too. I looked at him twice and felt happy each time. He smiled at me too. He went on for a bit about eye contact and how it's important in relationships.

Then he wrapped up, he gave me a new prescription, shortly asked about whether I'm having any side effects from the meds, which I don't, and then we confirmed we'd see on Friday and said good bye.