I can't stand my own thoughts. I absolutly think them to be right, maybe I shouldn't. Not believing them is tough, not having them is harder.
I am a slave of imagining I am boring and what I say is wrong and stupid.
I can never trust someone, I believe love is disposable and everything you say at a giving moment can put in geopardy the opinion others have about you.
That's it. I am sad, anxious and alone. And I am discretly crying in a public bus while going to the shopping to buy a christmas gift for my brother. And to say the truth I feel ashamed I am buying him a present and I am not even sure why am I doing it. But thats because I am unsure about it that I am going to do it.
My bet is none of my siblings is going to give me anything and I feel emotionaly distant from both, my sister and I fight a lot. I don't have to justify myself or feel this is a fake move from me. My sister is going to shame me for doing this and they will both get embarased.