Any tips for calming down a constant flight/fight fear feeling? Exercise seems to make it worse and then I feel like literally running away. Meditation attempts leave me feeling like a sitting duck that is going to be pounced on. Breathing exercises cause me to practically hyperventilate. I can't get my resting heart rate under 100 bpm, for the last week. It's typically around 78 resting.

I am a married woman in my mid 40's and have had anxiety and depression since age 18. In the past, I have been able to overcome it with exercise, therapy, antidepressants and Xanax once or twice a year for a panic attack. But my husband has been having massive anger issues/job issues, etc. that he is trying to get help for but it is taking months. And his constant bad mood and outbursts has now left me feeling so jumpy that I feel nauseous 24/7 and am shaking daily.

Why can't I get more control over myself? I know that I can't control others, I can only control myself. So why can't I get a hold of myself? Just knowing he is going to walk in the door each night has me shaking. He doesn't hit me or anything. He is just always screaming at the TV or complaining about people or basically anything that is alive. It takes me until noon each day to just calm down after listening to him curse and swear as he is getting ready for work in the morning. Then I am calm for about an hour or two in the afternoon, until I realize that I have to see him again after work soon. Then I start to shake again.

We have a treadmill and exercise equipment at home so I have tried to keep my distance from him when he gets home and tune his rants out. I listen to him tell about his day and when he is done I hop on the treadmill to calm down. But then he comes in every 5 minutes for the whole hour and stops me to say "hi". I feel controlled. I put ear phones in and try to zone out to music. But his coming in every 5 minutes to say "hi", forces me to remove my ear phones each time and negates the entire purpose. It is triggering my fight or flight response and I literally want to run away from him. Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs to him to just stop it and leave me alone. I did this once, I just lost it and I feel awful about it.

I am trying to hang in there until he gets diagnosed and gets into therapy. But he keeps changing jobs and loosing our insurance so it keeps getting rescheduled. I can't go to therapy any more because of this also. He has drained our accounts and maxed out our debts so I can't find temporary help. I just feel like I am strapped into the passenger seat of plane that is being driven by a suicide bomber and I can't escape. I have started to drink a couple of beers every single night now just so I can calm down. I usually never drink. I can't keep doing that. I have Xanax but that's prescribed for the occasional panic attack and leaves me foggy brained all the next day at work, and then I make a ton of mistakes. So I don't use it.

What am I missing? Surely other people have to deal with much worse at home and are still able to function at work the next day. How do they do it? What's the secret?