This thing is building up since i started working my first real job and then got worse when i started looking for a place of my own, away from my parents…

JEALOUSY of my brother: i was jealous because my mom was excited and went to see my brother's workplace when he had his first job in town. but when i did find my first real job she didnt come and see even though it was a public workplace.

ENVY my brother: because he found a real job far earlier than me.

JEALOUSY of my brother: because my mom helped and went out of her way to help him with his new house, even though it was about 1 hour away from home. and now that im getting my own place she is too tired to help me. she does it a little but i feel its not enough.

ENVY my brother: he got his own house far earlier than me.

today i crashed. i stated crying in front of my mom saying she is being UNFAIR, she did more for my bother than for me, that im feeling ABANDONED with my new house (mom and dad have helped me, but i feel i needed more - knowing its selfish but cant help it). and that im totally uncapable of doing the move (go figure living alone).

i feel i need EXTRA HELP in almost everything i do. i feel so alone, unable to do anything on my own and abandoned. and i feel my parents are unfair because they did more for my brother than for me (and i am older than him!). i know maybe its not as i see it but it does feel like that.

im jealous, envious, feeling abandoned, inferior and uncapable of doing what everyone can do with no problems.