2Jumpy, i've found what you've written extremally wise and helpful, so THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I also have found that pursuing something is often more rewarding than getting that something. basically because you go after something outside of yourself rather than focusing inside on what makes you the person you'd want to be.
i'll surely think a lot about this and i hope it will work for me too.
but what if you envy other people's way of feeling. its like im uncapable of feeling happiness and if i never experience it, how can i pursue it?