I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, sinking. Those are hard feeling to cope with. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We're all struggling and doing our best, and there's nothing wrong with asking and needing a little help. It's not your fault. I do think you need to work on your jealousy though, although I understand why you'd feel this way. How is it going with your therapist? Sending many hugs to you