Sinking, you wrote "but what if you envy other people's way of feeling. its like im uncapable of feeling happiness and if i never experience it, how can i pursue it?"

Dig deep and try to recall any single moment in your life where you felt joy or happiness or even simply content or peace. You may have to go way back. For me, it was a moment all the way back at age 8.

Then analyze the heck out of that single moment. What internally were you feeling and what around you caused those feelings? Or perhaps, what icky things were absent in that moment? Example, for me, my moment was age 8, a Fall day at school during recess when I was outside playing hopscotch on the sidewalk with two really nice girls. I felt accepted, I felt respected, we were all just laughing and nothing was special about it, we were all just being ourselves and I trusted them and they trusted me. The sun was shining, the air was soft and smelled of fall leaves. I felt content, peaceful, safe and therefore happy.

From your memory, you then know what you need to pursue. Perhaps even your one memory of feeling joy, will make you smile right now and feel it again. Perhaps you can occasionally recall that memory to feel a bit of joy when you need it. And then of course there is always the researched stuff to increase your brain's "feel good" chemicals, such as 30 minutes of cardio(even walking) per day, 15 minutes of sunshine per day, leafy greens, a multi vitamin, omega 3 fatty foods such as nuts, seeds, fish and chocolate...there's always chocolate when times get really tough. LOL I am assuming you are already on an antidepressant right? If not, they are a lifesaver. I had to try several to find one that worked. But if you use nicotine, you will need maximum dosage of RX because the liver breaks it down faster in tobacco users. I hope there was something there that will be useful to you. Hang in there.