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Old 12-21-2018, 09:35 AM
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LifelongLoner LifelongLoner is offline
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LifelongLoner It's the same old, same old. And, I do mean old!
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Long Island, NY
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Default Re: Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
I am 42 and still desire a mom thats loving and supportive. I dont understand why I cant have that. Somebody told me maybe God wants to be that for me. I dont get why I cant have that in a flesh and blood person. It sucks. My own mom has been supportive and loving but its few and far between. Im bummed.
For decades I went to therapy and wished that my mother would change and be nurturing and accepting of me. She never changed. Therapy didn't help much either.

The best advice I ever got was not much help either. It was "well, that's her loss (not having a close relationship with me)." It's true but it's not comforting.

You have a basic human need that has never been met. Have you been able to form a close and trusting relationship with anyone else? Consider making that a goal. In fact, try to make close and trusting relationships with as many people as you can. Is that a cure for your mom's coldness towards you? Not really. But it is a sign of recovery that you have not let her personal shortcomings deprive you of a life. And, of course, you will find satisfaction in the new, healthy relationships that you form.

Most importantly, end the cycle of coldness that she represents. Do not treat your spouse and/or children and friends like your mother treated you. End the cycle. That is a true goal (and, hopefully, victory) for which you can be very proud.
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