YOU need to get on the road to recovery.

I can't be more genuine when I say this, alot of depressed and anxious people don't even know what a good mindstate is because they've been in such a bad place for quiet some time, they belive it is a part of who they are and not something they have developed overtime, and this leaves no room for personal growth to change into a happier human.

That was me, I was down for so long that I didn't even know the significance of my problems or that I even had such a destructive mentality.

I didn't know that I was emotionally numbing myself from all feelings which was making life so dull and took all joy and pleasure out of everything.
I didn't know I was severely depressed.
I didn't know I couldn't sleep at night because I was too anxious.
I didn't know I was riddled with guilt.
I didn't know I was feeding my depression with bad personal habits.

EVERYTHING was blury and foggy, all I knew was that something wasn't right deep down. That's where understanding will help reduce confusing.

IF you really begin to put in the work to better yourself you'll get to the point where
Seeing doctors, talking to freinds and family about your problems, reading books and articles on the Internet, and watching videos and implementing what you've learnt into your life will slowly bring you into a a better place.

IT IS ALL ABOUT UNDERSTANDING YOUR EMOTIONS AND WHY YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU FEEL.

You CANNOT be confused about what's going on in your head.

You said you have has some bad past traumas? Seek out information on how to recover from past traumas... and keep at it until you have enough knowledge to take a step forward.

Thats why people go and see therapist/psychologist because they tend to gain clarity from talking to them about their problems, emotional support isn't the main reason people recover, although it is a factor.

You will start slowly gaining skills on how to live a vital and happier life, positive emotions will start to flow and overide the negative ones, ultimately shifting you into a better mindstate that you have probably never ever been in before.

Skills that may come with educating yourself on depression/ anxiety/ drdp/ coping mechanisms etc

-You know the ins and outs of your condition and you accept it.
(for me it was depression, so I had to see my self as a depressive and know what feelings are associated with it)
-You'll know what triggers your negative emotions
-You'll be more in tune with your moods, you don't feel like you are losing control and relapsing.

These are just some of the things that you may learn.

All I'm saying is you need to get on the journey to a better mindstate and perception on life.

Worst thing people can do it sit there and do nothing about what they're going through and let it worsen. Slowly Tackle it now and in 6 months to a years time you'll truly thank yourself for doing it.

I know alot of people who started it all simply by reading David d burns "Feeling good" and Richard o'connors "undoing depression". Very powerful books.

OR for you it might be talking about your past traumas to a professional no matter how dark they are, they are professionals and they're there to listen to them type if problems.

Wish you all the best.