2Jumpy, thank you. i took some time to think about what you wrote.

i think there have been and still there are some things that make me happy but they're so "unusual" and needing another person (as for friendship) that make me feel they are unreachable.

i think, more than anything, i love helping people i care about, also with unexpected presents, taking care of my pets, but most of all sharing my "secrets" with someone with the same "secrets" (or with my Good T). but since they are secrets, its hard to find someone to share them with.

im also happy when a day goes "right" meaning without any fact/comment/issue that disturbed me. or when i get to accomplish something i was waiting for long to accomplish. this is when i feel internally happy. in the past it happened when i felt accepted or part of a group, or "normal", something that right now im far away from thinking.

i dont feel there are chances for me to feel happy now. happiness is gone or unachievable. thats how i see it. and even if i get to feel some moments of joy, they're so few compared to the rest of my apathetic/depressed life…

but thanks i'll try thinking more about the positive memories and pay more attention to the good moments of the day.
Thank you so much, you're very wise. Takecare