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Old 12-22-2018, 12:47 PM
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Default Re: Mom

Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
I am 42 and still desire a mom thats loving and supportive. I dont understand why I cant have that. Somebody told me maybe God wants to be that for me. I dont get why I cant have that in a flesh and blood person. It sucks. My own mom has been supportive and loving but its few and far between. Im bummed.
Hello Dnester. I am sorry for your pain. Of course you desire a loving and supportive mother. Very natural. If you feel that your mother is loving and supportive though not frequently enough, would she be open to attending therapy sessions with you? A skilled therapist may be able to help you two communicate differently with each other or find new ways to show your love for each other. If not, it is an option for you to see a therapist on your own to gain support and develop coping strategies so that your mother's shortcomings are less upsetting to you. Does that make sense?

As far as not understanding why you don't have the type of mother you desire, here's how I think about my own dysfunctional parents...
I happened to be born into their family. I didn't choose them and they didn't choose me so it's really a crapshoot as to which type of family we wind up with. I find that that awareness helps me to not take it personally. I also found therapy really helpful so I could understand my parents' behaviors and learn new ways to process them in my own mind.

I tell myself this a lot: I cannot change other people; my power is in my ability to change how I respond to others.

I believe that the healthiest, happiest lives start with ourselves. Almost like being your own loving and supportive mother. When you have a positive and strong relationship with yourself, it makes it much easier to relate to others and tolerate their shortcomings.

Remember that you did and do deserve love and support....your mother's personality and behaviors are a reflection of herself, not of you. I don't know her of course but it is likely that she parents you the way she was parented by her mother. Does that ring true if you look at her background and family?

Peace and best wishes to you!
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