Thread: The Truth
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MtnTime2896
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MtnTime2896 is down in the forest.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
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Trig Dec 23, 2018 at 05:31 AM
 
I'm not really sleeping, but sleeping is all I want to do. I wake up jumpy or so lost in negative feelings that I can't escape.

I opened up about something recently. I admitted that I've been abused. I thought I had admitted it before but... I don't know, maybe I'll go right back into denial. For now I'm sober, which means I have to actually deal with these feelings. Anger seems to be the most prominent, followed by disgust and deep sadness that won't lift. I figured I'll try to write things out here, though my memory is limited because of DID.

Triggering Below

I'll talk about the abuse from family later, for now I'm going to talk about what happened when I was eight. I was playing with tonka toys in the woods next to my house. I could still see my dogs, so I figured I'd be fine. Mom and dad were passed out from another night of hard drinking. So I was alone because... well I was almost always alone.

That's when he came. My neighbor tapped my shoulder, I didn't hear him approach really because I was so into my little game. I jumped and whirled around. He grabbed my wrist and then just stared into my eyes. This is when I got scared, really ****ing scared. There was something wrong with his eyes. They weren't human. They were wild and had a deep darkness to them. Oddly enough, that's what I remember the most. His eyes. I tried to get away, tried like hell, but his grip on my wrist was too tight. He pulled me to the ground.

I won't discuss details any further because I just can't. In short, he raped me. That's the first time I remember typing that. It's a really difficult thing for me to admit. Makes me feel defenseless and weak. I feel like a damn child half the time. That's why I'm starting this thread. This thread is so I can discuss things that happened that I can't hardly admit to myself.

I'll try not to delete this, this time. Thanks for reading if you did. I just don't want to feel so alone anymore.

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