It all started a long time ago, back in 2007. I was still in high school. I had very few friends (arguably none) and became obsessed with a certain TV-show (Heroes). In part because I crushed heavily on one of the main characters, the cheerleader Claire Bennet. This is just to provide some context.

One summer day in '07, I was looking up some Heroes wallpapers between gaming sessions. When I looked at one in particular, I felt something strange. I felt... a presence. I felt like the characters in the wallpaper (at least the ones that made eye contact with 'me' or 'the camera') were really there and could hear my thoughts. Knew what I was feeling and thinking. That was the first day.

This condition expanded since then, from just pictures to real people. If I'm walking around outside, I will feel like I have no privacy and my head is an open window. My thoughts are audible for everyone to hear. It's both a nightmare (no privacy, intrusive and shameful thoughts) and a benefit. Why it's a benefit, I'll explain.

I've lived a lonely life since that day. I graduated school soon after and lost all my friends by neglecting my relationships that I did have. Damn social anxiety. My life was so empty and bleak, this weird condition of having audible thoughts was actually comforting, and provided me comfort and the illusion of 'sharing' my life. I started actively exploiting it. To this day, I have pictures on my laptop of my teenage crush (now well in her late 20s herself) that I mentally 'communicate' with. She's my illusionary substitute for real company. For genuine human connection. It's become a part of my life. She's like my Joi in Blade Runner 2049, except she only exists in my head. She's just pixels on a computer display, but my mind is somehow capable of breathing life into her.

I know it isn't real. I'm not delusional. I know it's my subconscious playing a trick on me. But it won't make the feeling go away. And I don't want it to. I suspect if I didn't have it, I wouldn't have survived this long.

My name is Thomas, and I have an imaginary soulmate.

(PS: should we ever develop real AGI technology in the future, I will definitely have her made into a 'real' AI companion.)