THANK YOU for this important thread UCLAFan!!! I have been divorced for many years (my decision) and will never marry again simply because I don't want to. It is of zero interest to me. I do have a significant other and my desire to not marry again seems to perplex almost everyone around me.


I have decided not to have children because I live with chronic depression and I don't want to risk post-partum depression or post-partum psychosis. Anyway, my point is that men and women marry/don't marry and procreate/don't procreate for all sorts of different reasons.


I am so sorry that you have had this reaction but I admit that I am not shocked by it at all. I've even had friends tell me: "Oh don't be silly! OF COURSE you'll get married again!" Or "You can't NOT have a baby...that's crazy...you would be a wonderful mother!" Even though I never asked if they thought I'd be a good parent


Perhaps we need to start an international club for women who are not married and without children in order to show the world that we are REAL. We are HUMAN. We are in fact WOMEN. And we like it that way And for those women who don't like it that way and wish for something different in the future...you're also welcome in our club


I have no problem with married folks and folks who love having babies. Men or women. We are all in this life together. I just think it's reasonable to identify the double standard. Men are considered persons in their own right therefore if they are single, divorced, married, fathers, childless...they are still certified people. Whereas society often takes a bizarrely reductive view of girls and women...if we aren't some fella's wife or future-wife and planning to have a few babies...then what are we? Confused? Mixed up? Not nice enough for a guy to stick around?


For me, the really trippy part is that these biases are not only coming from men. I get tired of hearing: "I didn't become a real woman until I had my baby" or "I didn't really grow up until I became a mother" or "It is selfish to choose not to have children." I think there are abused and neglected children who might argue that some selfish parents do in fact exist. And yes, some non-parents are selfish...but that doesn't mean we all are.


There's a good Ted Talk given by a strong and intelligent lifelong single woman (I think she's around 60) on the value of the single life. She also wrote an article on the disrespect and even aggression that some married folks display toward singletons. Very interesting. She basically points out that if someone is unmarried and happy that way...some married folks find her threatening because it challenges their world view that the only path to happiness is marriage + children. I think she may be onto something there.


I always say there is more that unites us than divides us!