Hi dp,

Thank you for sharing your troubles here. Maybe we can provide some insight.

I don’t think any of us can really tell you what you should do. Relationships are complex at the best of times and we can’t really grasp the complexities of your situation from a paraphragh.

This IS a psychology forum, however, so the first obvious suggestion is going to be to try couples counselling. I would actually only suggest that if you both wanted to make the relationship work, and were willing to put the effort in.

Apart from what you should do, what do you want? If the marriage can be saved, is that something you even want? What does your wife want? What are her feelings in all of this? Is she willing to put any work into this? Are there immigration issues for her if you divorce? I’m not sure what the laws are where you are, but in some places you may be liable for a significant amount of support if you divorce, especially if she doesn’t have the skills to be independent because of language or otherwise. Not that that should be a deciding factor, but it might be worth considering.

So ya - my first question would be what do you want and what are you willing to work for?