Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise
when my therapist said I had to be aware of my amnesia, aware of my amnesia the second phrase was for emphasis...
example ...
"you have to be aware of your amnesia", then stressing that its my amnesia so I must know when its happening.
with DID people do and are aware of their amnesia. they know when they have forgotten something, they may not know the content of what they have forgotten...
When I asked my treatment provider to explain what she meant she said she wanted to see if I really understood what having DID was or if I was gathering information from the internet and fitting myself in the basket of what DID is on the internet. (which is very very different) she wanted my own words not the wording I was finding on the internet of what DID people are supposed to say, think and do.
anytime you dont understand what your therapist is asking it is ok to say you dont understand what they mean and ask them to explain.
now for a bit of information that will help you to be able to answer your therapists question with out me telling you any examples that may affect how and what you tell your therapist. she wants your words and what and how you have dissociative amnesia not mine...
Dissociative amnesia is a special kind of forgetfulness. its not about forgetting your keys or books, or whether you did the dishes or laundry or whether you forgot that you watched a favorite tv program.
the kind of amnesia that comes with having DID happens when a person is triggered by something and they have their dissociation symptoms. this being triggered and having dissociation symptoms is so severe that the person switches into being their alters.
a person with DID doesnt totally forget things like a person does when they get hit in the head. with DID everything is still there just that the alters are the ones that remember what you have forgotten.
example (making up something here so that my real situations dont influence you one way or the other, Im going to use a common not triggering thing)
if I had an alter named Yellow, and what made me switch into being Yellow was eating candy...
Im walking down the street and see a box of chocolates. this triggers me so bad that I feel my dissociation symptoms, this causes me to switch into being Yellow. I have no idea what is going on while yellow is in control. all I know is when I look around no longer being yellow I am no where near that box of chocolate..
how did I get away from that box of chocolate, why am I sitting in a taxi, why is by purse open and how much did the taxi driver just say I owed them. last thing I remember is walking down the side walk.
I am aware that I have forgotten all this.. dont even know what it was that triggered this switch or that I was an alter.
the content that I can not remember is part of Yellows memories not mine. its not totally gone from my brain just stored in my unconsciousness.
when i understood what my therapist was asking... she could keep a chart on my dissociative amnesia and when I switched into my alters during my therapy sessions she could find out what I could not remember....when I switched into Yellow, she and Yellow could talk about that box of chocolate, how and why it triggered me, how and why I was in the taxi....
see what I mean your treatment provider wants you to tell her in your own words about your dissociative amnesia.
A person with DID doesnt just say....."I have amnesia" then leave it at that. and a therapist doesnt hear a person say "I have amnesia" and leave it at that.
in therapy when a person says "I have amnesia" they are able to explain what they mean when they say it
in therapy it is a therapists job to ask the person saying they have amnesia to explain about their amnesia.
DID people can do that. even people with the physical form of amnesia can explain what their amnesia is like and when it happens.
my suggestion is any time you discovered you are having amnesia problem write it down. write down what triggered it, what you were doing when it happened. then when you switch into your alters your treatment provider can find out more information and then you all will make a treatment plan on how to fix that.
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That is an interesting perspective, unfortunately not mine 95% of the time. When I don't remember something (which is rare) I literally don't remember and I will argue until the hard facts are put in front of me showing me what people are saying I did I did.
I don't have a memory or my amnesia and things blend right back together as if nothing has happened.
I can be co-conscious and not necessarily have control or total control, but I'm still aware. There are instances where I'm aware due to physical cues or things I've written that I don't recall writing. But when I have amnesia of an event happening I literally have no recollection whatsoever.
I was first diagnosed with DID-NOS in 1996. I have years I don't remember and I have recently been able to find medical records where there are three therapists I don't remember seeing even though I can find their pictures on their websites and I have over 100 pages of their notes. No memory of any kind at all. Nothing. All I have is their notes of what I said in session.
One session note talks about a wedding I went to. I have no idea whose wedding it was. Nothing. Nada.
So, I understand the type of amnesia you are talking about, and that isn't the kind that frustrates my therapists. I don't call that amnesia; I call that losing time. I know that is just semantics, but that is how I differentiate between the two.
Since I've attempted to have well thought out conversations with both of my therapists using what I learned in DBT and it isn't helping, I think I'm going to have to gather the confidence to fire both of my therapists this week.
I'm objectively getting worse under their care and think you all have confirmed that they have simply had enough of me and it is coming out in the things they are saying to me.