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Anonymous57363
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Default Dec 27, 2018 at 02:02 PM
 
[QUOTE=BigZen;6379859]

You've been through so much BigZen...sorry to hear of all that trauma you experienced. With regard to your behavior and temperament in adolescence, those could be indications of depression, yes. One thing that we find in society is that when depressed, females are more likely to internalize (withdraw, blame herself, very quiet) whereas males are more likely to externalize - acting out, angry at others around them. *That's a generalization of course but it is quite a common trend...part of the reason females are more likely to express suicidal ideation whereas homicidal ideation is much more common among men than among women. Of course that's not to say that men don't ever feel sad and suicidal.

Through different experiences in my life, I have found that when someone appears very angry, especially for extended periods, this can be a sign of fear. They maybe don't feel comfortable expressing their fear so instead it manifests as rage.

With regard to your parents' problems with alcohol, that must have been so hard for you especially because it was never acknowledged or addressed. Children growing up with drinkers often have very unstable home lives...that could also explain your adolescent anger and academic problems. Chemical dependence (of any sort, drugs or alcohol) is often a red flag for mental illness. It's how some folks "self-medicate" when they don't know how else to cope with their depression or anxiety. I know that my brother does that. He is a very angry and bitter person (severe underlying depression which he won't acknowledge) and over the years has turned to drugs and alcohol which only made things worse for him.

It makes sense that you see some similarities between your parents' styles and your own parenting. People tend to parent the way they were parented...learned behavior....even if they aren't conscious of it. *Again, that's a generalization of course there are exceptions. The fact that you are aware, and noticing some similar patterns, is very important because it opens the door for you to get some help to change those patterns.

If you are concerned about your children, I would encourage you to seek therapy. It is never too early to start. I've lived with depression my whole life and started therapy when I was 15 but really needed help prior to that point. Therapy can give your children a chance to express their feelings, bring up any concerns, and a skilled family therapist could actually work with all three of you (you didn't mention if there's a significant other around) to improve your communication styles and how you show love for each other.

Good news! Your children's brains are at ages where it is much easier to learn new ways of thinking, reacting, and coping...thereby decreasing risks for major mood problems later. I think that is very positive. You can ask your doctor for a referral to a psych provider with the justification that depression and chemical dependence ran in your family and you want to be sure that you children are living their best lives.

I wish you peace and good luck on this journey. I admire you for reaching out and opening up on PC. You sound like you really care about your children...not all little people have that. Be well.

Last edited by Anonymous57363; Dec 27, 2018 at 02:20 PM..
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