Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone
Though I agree that her saying "good girl" was a little weird given your age, I wonder if you might be reading too much negativity into it(?) I could see if it was dripping in sarcasm or something, but it wasn't if I am reading correctly. Maybe she actually was trying to be supportive(?) You mention her pitch and repetition. Is it possible that could also be nerves/discomfort from saying things one is not used to saying? Just a thought, something to consider. Might be off-base.
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I understand what you are saying InnerZone and I definitely think it's important to consider different perspectives so I thank you for that.
I think history is important here. My mother told me directly that I am "one of her greatest disappointments in life." I am a successful professional but she dreamed up a different profession for me in her head...one I had zero interest in...and so because I went my own way and actually do very well even with chronic depression...she labels me as one of her greatest disappointments. She denigrates my profession and career about every 3 months and tells me what I should be doing instead. Did I mention that I am in my late 30s?
I am honestly not sure I can ever forgive her for calling me a great disappointment. I was crushed. I still feel a bit crushed every time I recall it...it's the type of line that gets etched on your hippocampus whether you want it there or not. She also deeply resents me for moving far away even though she and my father were the reasons why I moved because they were awful parents.
My father's great and lasting line in my mind: "my life would have been infinitely better if I never had children." He told me that when I was 15. And he terrorized myself and my siblings growing up while my mother stood and watched or placated him.
The problem is me really. I kept hoping that she would change (my father is dead) and be proud of me and love me unconditionally even though I know she is who she is. I can't change her nor should I expect it to happen.
I realize the example I gave in the thread wasn't a very good one...it's just a small one out of dozens and dozens. She was a viciously controlling parent...any time I got a little break from depression she wanted me to be miserable again...it's an awful lot easier to control someone when they are miserable. I had childhood depression (which my parents later acknowledged after a MD and social worker set them straight but they had waited 10 years to get me any help...so I was completely enveloped by severe depression by that point...thankfully I take care of myself now and they have nothing to do with it.)
When I left my abusive husband and ended my marriage, my mother and almost my entire family (all but one sibling) told me I "had" to go back to him. I did not. So they blamed and shamed me for years.
Tmi? Probably.