I wanted to revisit this thread as it is clearly driving a wedge between you and frankly what decisions come next have the ability to leave shambles of not one, not two but four lives-the daughter included.

Why is your bf so adamant that nothing could be learned from a parenting coach or his own therapist? Certainly 9 year old boys will push boundaries like noones business plus unfortunately, in this day and age they have enormous exposure to medias that just didn't exist even ten years ago. So their soundbyte exposure goes well beyond the home or school yard. And what's funny to them just isn't.

I agree...why should it rest on your shoulders to tell him no jumping on furniture? Furniture can and will break and it's not a drop in the bucket to replace. Why shouldn't your bf speak up if being snarked at? Or if he is so desensitized to it, all the more reason to speak with his own therapist. Kids can wear a parent down and if a parent is struggling with grief, depression or anything else all the more reason to just bounce things off of a more neutral third party. Even if to vent about the struggles of parenting.

Some behaviors aren't just boys being boys. Some are development aspects and some are personality traits. But boundaries matter.