Also, there is one other thing that I forgot to mention. There is a reason why I am so obsessed with making money without working a regular job.

The reason is simply because it is hard for me to hold down a stable job for more than 6-12 months. Jobs are straight up triggering for me. There are times when I would cry like a baby or scream when I have to get up and go to work. The only reason why I have held out at my student job as long as I have is because they don't have a lot of expectations of me as a student employee and they let me take off time for anything "school" related as long as I email them ahead of time. When my mental health is at a low point I just make up some B.S about how I have a big test or homework project I need to study for and they believe me and let me take time off.

I have to be like this. I don't see how the mental health system will help me function at a job even if I want to and I can't guarantee that I won't be back where I was three years ago (chronically homeless mind you) after I finish school since even getting a job at ****ing Walmart is an overwhelming struggle. If I can't manage entry level jobs, what employer would want to pay me $40k or more a year to build them web sites? And I am to get on disability and make a measly $700 a month? How the hell am I supposed to live off that?


I intend on building my own web sites and webstores and I have a childhood friend that does something similar where he builds and monetizes web sites and sells cheap Chinese goods on his web site (known as dropshipping) and makes a 6 figure salary with about 10 hours of work per week. He maintains around 5 websites (a mix of dropship stores and blogs/fansites monetized by CPA/Internet marketing schemes) and hires people to do all the work he hates doing so he can enjoy life. He's barely over 30 and a self made millionaire despite having a **** childhood much like myself. If he can do it I can too.

Ultimately, if I have to lie, cheat, or steal to survive I am willing to do so because nobody has given me the help that I need when I needed it the most. History repeats itself as they say and history so far has shown me that when I try to depend on the mental health system or the government than I am asking for more pain and heartbreak. I just want to survive like everybody else I don't want to hurt anybody but it's clear I might be forced to hurt others to survive if it comes to that. I want to live and be happy but the universe clearly doesn't want me to be happy and free.