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Old 12-29-2018, 05:24 AM
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sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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Default Re: Single mum struggling

I have three kids and husband and its always a three ring circus due to some traumatic things that happened in our family. I had to learn to divide myself into 4 pieces and save a little for myself so this is what I will do. If one of the kids or husband wants to talk to me and I need a minute I first ask if its important but like this : "Is this important or can I take a few minutes to collect myself? I want to make sure I give you my full attention". In most cases it can wait a few minutes so then I tell whoever it is 'ok lets talk, Im yours". and I REALLY tune in. I have my own issues including adhd so this can be a feat for me. I move my phone out of sight, sit on my hands, quiet the tv and then practice active listening. I do not know the official definition of active listening but I had to learn that despite how awesome and right I am all the time () the whole world including my loved ones does not need my opinions, a sermon, a direction or a solution. Sometimes I will clarify it by asking if they want an opinion or to just have someone to listen. I will even premptively tell my husband that I am fired up and ranting but not at him because I am very animated.. just so he doesnt feel attacked or run over by my mouth. I know that if I am too busy thinking about how to solve something then I am not listening. But sorry for the tangent...my point is I do this with my kids and overall I think they appreciate it. The immediate impulse of wanting me right now might give them a sulky moment but its better than me letting them launch and then me saying all the wrong invalidating things because I just needed a hot minute to settle myself.
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